When Kayleigh passed away (it's been over 3 years now) lots of people said how time would make it easier, and in some ways they were right, but on some days it's like it only happened yesterday and you are left struggling with your feelings and trying to go on with your day all the time feeling like you are drowning under feelings of grief. I know Terence has put up some serious walls to help him cope, both emotionally and mentally. He has trouble remembering even the smallest details from the moment that we found Kayleigh until after the funeral, and emotionally this has resulted in him having a few too many scotches when feeling down and this resulted in him punching a wall (and managing to get the stud) and breaking two bones in hand.
My issues are that I remember too much in vivid detail. I still remember clearly doing CPR and telling Terence that she would be OK. Waiting for the ambulance, the paramedic telling us that they had gotten a response, waiting at the hospital, turning off the machines and waiting for her heart to stop. I remember it all and sometimes I just can't get the pictures out of my head and it sends me into a downwards spiral.
Having Kayl has helped - we feel that the universe hasn't taken everything from us. He looks so much like her it's uncanny. And even personality wise, he is very similar. It's like he's been here before.
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| Kayl (in Blue) and Kayleigh - both aged 12 months |
