The Punching Bag

When Kayleigh was having problems at primary school she was getting very frustrated and had alot of anger. The alleviate some of that, Terence bought Kayleigh a punching bag. Not a very lady-like piece of equipment but it suited the purpose. Terence spent hours with Kayleigh teaching her how to punch properly to not hurt her wrists and how to kick the bag. Terence even bought her a nice pair of pink coloured boxing gloves.

Kayleigh spent between 10 minutes to an hour a day taking her frustrations out on the bag. Her punches started get a bit of weight behind them as she learnt to 'punch through' the bag. I know when she punched her dad on the arms she bruised him a couple of times. The main aim of the bag was to get her to be less angry and it worked. Kayleigh learnt how to punch hard, kick with aggression but more importantly to take her frustration out on something that could handle it.

Friends thoughts

Over the last year I have received or read many thoughts of Kayleigh from her friends. I thought it would be nice to put some of them on here. Some have been emailed to me, put on her FaceBook page, or people just telling me. WE all know that people (especially teenage girls) have a 'home' persona and a 'school' persona and its allowed me to see what she was like at school with her friends.

Donna: Goodbye Kayleigh. You were a lovely young girl, a bright and energetic personality. You impacted all that knew you, and you will be sadly missed in our little Calwell High School community

Jess: I will miss talking to her in canteen and just our random little conversations. This girl was truly beautiful and never forgotten.. I miss you sweetheart..

Zoe: There Are So many Thing i Could Say To You, You Were A Beautiful Kind Giving And Very Thoughtful Girl. You Were the Little Sunshine Of Everyones Day. You have A Heart Of Gold, Your Parents Would Be Very proud Of You. They have Raised An Amazing Young Girl. 0It Was Not Your Time To pass,, But I know That You Will be A Beautiful Angel. Watching Down on All of Us,, And Making Sure Everyone Is Well And Safe. You Are Someone Very Special TO me and I Will Never Forget You,, You have Been Printed Into My heart. I Love You Always And Forever. You Beautiful GirlShannee:  You were such a beautiful girl with a smile that lightened up the room. you were never mean to a soul and always cheered people up

Ryan: i never really knew you, but you were a beautiful girl who will never be forgotten.
It isnt fair that this should happen, that such a young innocent girl should pass away like this. You will will be greatly missed by all even by those who didnt know you.

Jess: Hey Kayleigh, missing you like crazy, of course. I saw this movie today and the main theme in it, was loving what you have and who you have, and loving it while you've got it. I think yours and my friendship with eachother did exactly that. The last four or five days before you passed on where the some of the best in my life because were just us, regardless of what anyone thought. I loved the fact that makeup wasnt for you, your best feature, was your smile. All girls should be like that. Everyone thought you were beautiful inside and out. Thats how you will be held in our hearts. A beautiful friend. I knew as soon as we became friends that i just had to be me. To be a perfect person in this world, all you had to do was reflect you. I love you so much, and we all miss you with all our hearts.

PJ: kayleigh was a good girl she loved her work and she loved people around her its just sad she had to go so early it was a tragtey u had to go but like people say lifesfaget them good times we all had togther every body and calwell high miss u R.I.P KAYLEIGH STAMP we will miss u forever and always in our hearts forever life goes on but memories never go away

Forgotten photos - Down the coast

I was looking through the photos on my computer. I just loaded all my old photos onto it (new laptop) and I found these photos taken by Nanny and Grandad when they took Kayleigh and Natassja down to Batemans Bay a few years ago. Nanny and Grandad took Kayleigh down the coast a couple of times, just for a day trip and she really had fun playing the the sand, jumping in the waves and eating fresh fish with chips at the Batemans Bay fish and chip shops. I think the photos show how happy she was.

Doing the right thing for friends

With all the issues Kayleigh had with making friends, she always did the right thing by the friends she did have. I know that Kayleigh would keep a secret and not gossip about her friends, or start rumours. I know that some of her so-called friends in primary school started all sorts of mean and nasty rumours about her and did not ever keep her confidence. One girl she told when she got her first period, by lunch time that day even the boys in her class knew, which is really embarrassing for a girl in year 6 who struggled to be accepted. Kayleigh always kept her friends confidences because she knew what it felt like to be humiliated by people who turned out to be untrustworthy.

Kayleigh also knew when a friends confidence shouldn't be kept. In year 7, one of her friends were self-harming themselves. Kayleigh was very worried and she didn't know what to do. Her friend made her swaer not to tell anyone, but as this situation was dangerous, Kayleigh did the right thing, but not telling her other friends but by coming home and telling me. Kayleigh asked me what to do, what should she say? how could she help her friend? ........ I told her to tell her year advisor or the counsellor at the school as they were the best people to deal with it, and they could also make sure that her friend did not have to know it was her that raised the issue. Kayleigh was relieved as she thought the best way to help her friend was to get her help. The school dealt with the issue well and her friend did find out it was Kayleigh that said something (Kayleigh admitted it to her) and she thanked Kayleigh for it because she didn't have it in her herself to seek help from the counsellor. Kayleigh did the right thing for her friend.

The last text message

Kayleigh sent the below message to her Dad the day before she collapsed. She wasn't feeling well, and obviously she shouldn't have been at school. She did have the previous day (Tuesday) off as she wasn't well. After getting the text message, her Dad told her to come home and lay down, get some rest.

Seeing this text message still distresses me. We didn't take her to a doctor because it didn't seem like she was too bad, just a nasty flu, but then again at that stage the doctor probably wouldn't have done much. It's hard looking back at that time and thinking about the things you could have done differently and she might still be here, but then again you can only go by what you know at the time.

Barbie, Bratz and other Dolls

Kayleigh was not what we would have called a 'girly girl'. Even as a baby/toddler she didn't show much interest in dolls or other girly toys. Her favourite toys, other than Row Row, where matchbox cars and lego. She liked to build things and drive cars around. She did have a few teddy bears and soft toys, including her favourite Moosie but always seemed to be drawn to toys that involved smashing and driving and building rather than pretty things and dolly dress-up.

For her 4th birthday, someone bought her a Barbie doll. Kayleigh's look of revolt as she opened it was soooo funny but she managed to maintain her composure to politely say thank you. That poor barbie . . . . I found her 3 days later, armless, leg-less, naked and with all of her hair cut off. It was like a bad CSI episode :).

When she got older my mother started buying Kayleigh and Natassja the porcelain dolls from Home-Art - the ones with delicate faces and flouncy dresses. Every year it was a new one and Kayleigh hated them. Every year when we got them Kayleigh said 'I know what it is, I don't want to open it.' Each year they would only last a few days. One year Kayleigh and Natassja pretended the dolls were at a rock concert, hand banging away to the music, until the dolls eventually head banged each other. Another year I have no idea what happened to it. One day is was there and the next it wasn't and Kayleigh refused to tell me where it went (I suspect she might have given it away). Either way, I never ever bought Kayleigh any dolls or Barbie because she really didn't like them.

Remembering Kayleigh

Over the last year several people, including ourselves, have done many thing to remember Kayleigh and the way she was. I started this blog and her Facebook page. Many of her friends also started Facebook pages. Many of her friends still write messages to her on her page which is lovely.

For her birthday last year we didn't not do anything as the pain and loss was still too much for us, but we are thinking of getting some chinese sky lanterns to release on her birthday (although we may not be able to get them) . . .'Tangled' style. On the anniversary of her passing we released balloons on the oval at her school and about 50 people turned up, which was nice for us as people were still thinking of her.

Everyday I look at her picture which I keep next to my computer at work, and think about what she might be like now, a year older, coming up to her 15th birthday, what she might have done at school as electives - I think it would have been woodwork and maybe media, who knows . . .  .She would have also now been eagerly awaiting September when she was to be 14 and 9 months, the age you have to be a get a job. That was a day she had been looking forward to since she was about 10. Kayleigh had such big plans for her life.

Sometimes I feel her watching me from her bedroom doorway - maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me - but it really feels like she is standing there like she always did, a smile on her face, looking at what I was doing. Sometimes it feels like it was all a dream, maybe she never existed at all, and sometimes it feels like she is about to walk in the door from school and give me a big hug like she always did when I got home.

I will remember Kayleigh for the rest of my life, and it does make it feel better when I know other people are remembering her too.