Sleeping

Kayleigh was always what I would call a restless sleeper. She was a deep sleeper - nothing could wake her, but she tossed and turned all night long. As a baby she used to go to sleep on the lounge with the music up and the vacuum cleaner going. As soon as you stopped the music she would wake up and only settle when the music was back on again - maybe the two 15inch woofers behind the lounge massaged her in her sleep - she seemed to prefer it. Kayleigh was sleeping in a normal size bed at 11 months old when Natassja was born - and she never fell out - and transitioned to the top bunk bed when she was 2 - and she was very happy to be up there as she could climb up and down without a problem. As she got older, Kayleigh swapped with Natassja and took the bottom bunk and when Kiara was 1, Kayleigh got a double sized mattress and slept with her little baby sister - which she absolutely loved.

As I mentioned before Kayleigh was a restless sleeper - every night there would be thumps on the wall as she turned over and her hand (or head, or leg, or arm) hit the wall. Kayleigh always had her bed coo\mfortable - she had a doona underneath the bottom sheet to provide cushioning and comfort as well as the top doona (or two if it was winter) and two pillows for herself. She always made sure she had to most comfortable pillow, much to Natassja disgust and many arguments at night they had was over whose pillow it was, with Kayleigh winning most because she was the scariest :)

Making Tea

One thing Kayleigh loved to do was make her Dad a cup of tea. She had been doing it since she was old enough to be able to pour the hot water safely - about 9/10 years old. To help her improve her tea making, she asked Terence (and me when she made me one) to give her a rank out of ten for the tea - considering strength, temperature, milk and sugar. Kayleigh always had a beam on her face when she got the rare 10 out of 10, and if she got a score of less than 6 she would take the cup back and try again - she also drank the other tea, sometimes I think she made the cup of tea the way she wanted it so she could have it, and then make her Dads cup of tea the way her liked it. Kayleigh and her dad also make up a little 'jingle' to say when a cup of tea was required . . . .'Tell me you love me and make me a cup of tea'.

When visitors came over she started asking them to rate their tea and she would a confused look from them. I guess most people don't vocalise what they think of the drink someone serves them. Kayleigh however was always so nice about it and most people were happy to rank her.

Australia day

Quite a few years ago, on australia Day, we woke up to find that someone had put Australian flags next to each driveway in Theodore (It turned out it was a Real Estate company). Kayleigh was the first one to see them and was so excited she ran up and down the street taking them so all of her brothers and sisters had one. Terence dared her to climb the bus stop pole in front of our house and put her flag at the top - I don't think he though Kayleigh could climb the pole - she was only about 9 at the time. Kayleigh took one look at the pole, took her flag and went straight to the top placing her flag between the pole and the bus stop sign. It lasted about 3 days before it went missing.

Every Australia Day and ANZAC day, Kayleigh made sure we had a flag and she put it up on the top of the bus stop. Last ANZAC day she caught some teenagers knicking off with it, she confronted them but they just laughed and walked off. This year, Natassja has put the flag up for Kayleigh.

Splinters

When Kayleigh was about 2, we moved into our current house in Theodore. The backyard was a total write off - no grass, no trees, concrete everywhere and old car parts buried in the ground. It was not really a safe place for children to be playing. Over time, Terence landscaped it, planted grass and trees and shrubs. In the mean time, it meant that we had to  keep shoes on Kayleigh and Natassja when they went outside - which was a next to impossible task. Kayleigh loved running around without shoes and at least once a week she would have a splinter (or four) in her feet. Being a young child however, as soon as she saw me getting a ''noodle'' out of the first aid kit she would run the other way. I eventually gave up trying to do it when she was awake, so once a week when she was sleeping during the day, I would go into her room and remove the splinters from her feet so she wouldn't feel it, and wouldn't struggle. There was one through that Daddy had to get out. Kayleigh, being Kayleigh, like to climb up on the fence and talk to the neighbours, or see what was going on out the front of the house. We still had wooden fences back then. Typically, she was not wearing any shoes and climbed the fence. Her foot slid of the paling and she got - well I couldn't call it a splinter - a piece of fence in her big toe. It was at least 5mm wide and 2cm long. I looked at it immediately - she wasn't crying but she couldn't walk properly with it in there - I tried using the noodle and tweezers but the fence piece was stuck in there fast Terence came and saw what all the fuss was about and got his razor and cut Kayleighs toe and remove the piece in about 3 seconds flat - after I had been trying to get it out for 20 minutes. I think me trying to get it out hurt more than it going in. I'd like to say she learnt her lesson after that, but no, she still climbed on the fence without shoes and still got splinters - just never as big as that one.

Choices

This is a hard subject to talk about, and may cause some distress - please read with this in mind.
When Kayleigh was in hospital and we were waiting to see if she would make it, one of the things running  through my mind was what would we do if she was brain damaged to the point that she could not participate in life. We never got the chance to have that as Kayleighs life signs were non existent - the brain damage was that severe that she was never going to wake up or breathe by herself - in all sense of the word it was only the machines keeping her alive, so we let her go. But the 'what if's plague your mind. What if Kayleigh had enough life signs so she could wake up and breathe by herself, but had brain damage to a point that she couldn't communicate or do anything for herself. This was close to us as a neighbour a couple of doors down had this happen - their daughter had a massive epleiletic fit which caused massive brain damage when she was 9 - she survived but is unable to do anything for herself and cannot communicate even on a basic level. She lives her life in a wheelchair. Kayleigh remembered her as the girl who used to walk past with her older sister - a quiet girl, and she then saw her as the girl in the wheelchair. When Kayleigh was younger and complaining about something, we reminded her of this girl and how lucky she was. From Kayleigh friends recollections, this stuck and Kayleigh even told them that she was always happy because some people did have what she had - a family that loved her, food, water, air and the ability to run, read, write and know people.

When Kayleigh was lying in the hospital bed, I thought about this girl and if we could manage with Kayleigh in that position. Terence and I have discussed it since. As much as we would have wanted Kayleigh to survive and be with us, the thought of her in a wheelchair unable to move, eat or communicate - we couldn't have done that to her. The life span of someone with such severe disabilities is only about 5-7 years-  - and that would be years that she would be living a life, not for her, but for us because we couldn't let her go. Kayleigh was such a happy, vibrant and alive person and to have her with us, but only as a shell of herself would be the ultimate act of selfishness. In some ways I am thankful that we were never given the choice - letting someone go is very very hard, but having to choose to let them go would be harder.

Kayleigh FaceBook Site

For people to link to:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=116158815094208&v=app_2373072738#!/group.php?gid=116158815094208

Making the bed

Kayleigh used to be like any other child around - impossible to get to make her bed - ever. It was a good thing that she only had a bottom sheet and a doona, so it was easy to pick up and make look straight. Then around the time she went to high school she starting taking more care of her things - and starting making her bed. Now I am not talking about throwing the doona on an straightening it out a little, Kayleigh was fastidious when it came to the bed - it had to be perfect. The doona had to be placed symmetrically on the bed, with the same amount of doona on either side. She then pulled the bed out a little from the wall and tucked in one side, then squashed the bed against the wall to make sure the doona didn't move. Kayleigh then pulled the other side tight and tucked it in. Lastly she would get Natassja to hold one end while she pulled the doona tight at the bottom of the bed and tucked it in - thus she had a perfect bed with no wrinkles. Nothing annoyed Kayleigh more than someone lying (or sitting) on the bed after she had made it, as it meant she would have to de-wrinkle the bed after. I did it many time, both accidentally and on purpose (in fun) just to see her flip her lid, roll her eyes and tell you to get off her bl**dy bed.