The last text message

Kayleigh sent the below message to her Dad the day before she collapsed. She wasn't feeling well, and obviously she shouldn't have been at school. She did have the previous day (Tuesday) off as she wasn't well. After getting the text message, her Dad told her to come home and lay down, get some rest.

Seeing this text message still distresses me. We didn't take her to a doctor because it didn't seem like she was too bad, just a nasty flu, but then again at that stage the doctor probably wouldn't have done much. It's hard looking back at that time and thinking about the things you could have done differently and she might still be here, but then again you can only go by what you know at the time.

Barbie, Bratz and other Dolls

Kayleigh was not what we would have called a 'girly girl'. Even as a baby/toddler she didn't show much interest in dolls or other girly toys. Her favourite toys, other than Row Row, where matchbox cars and lego. She liked to build things and drive cars around. She did have a few teddy bears and soft toys, including her favourite Moosie but always seemed to be drawn to toys that involved smashing and driving and building rather than pretty things and dolly dress-up.

For her 4th birthday, someone bought her a Barbie doll. Kayleigh's look of revolt as she opened it was soooo funny but she managed to maintain her composure to politely say thank you. That poor barbie . . . . I found her 3 days later, armless, leg-less, naked and with all of her hair cut off. It was like a bad CSI episode :).

When she got older my mother started buying Kayleigh and Natassja the porcelain dolls from Home-Art - the ones with delicate faces and flouncy dresses. Every year it was a new one and Kayleigh hated them. Every year when we got them Kayleigh said 'I know what it is, I don't want to open it.' Each year they would only last a few days. One year Kayleigh and Natassja pretended the dolls were at a rock concert, hand banging away to the music, until the dolls eventually head banged each other. Another year I have no idea what happened to it. One day is was there and the next it wasn't and Kayleigh refused to tell me where it went (I suspect she might have given it away). Either way, I never ever bought Kayleigh any dolls or Barbie because she really didn't like them.

Remembering Kayleigh

Over the last year several people, including ourselves, have done many thing to remember Kayleigh and the way she was. I started this blog and her Facebook page. Many of her friends also started Facebook pages. Many of her friends still write messages to her on her page which is lovely.

For her birthday last year we didn't not do anything as the pain and loss was still too much for us, but we are thinking of getting some chinese sky lanterns to release on her birthday (although we may not be able to get them) . . .'Tangled' style. On the anniversary of her passing we released balloons on the oval at her school and about 50 people turned up, which was nice for us as people were still thinking of her.

Everyday I look at her picture which I keep next to my computer at work, and think about what she might be like now, a year older, coming up to her 15th birthday, what she might have done at school as electives - I think it would have been woodwork and maybe media, who knows . . .  .She would have also now been eagerly awaiting September when she was to be 14 and 9 months, the age you have to be a get a job. That was a day she had been looking forward to since she was about 10. Kayleigh had such big plans for her life.

Sometimes I feel her watching me from her bedroom doorway - maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me - but it really feels like she is standing there like she always did, a smile on her face, looking at what I was doing. Sometimes it feels like it was all a dream, maybe she never existed at all, and sometimes it feels like she is about to walk in the door from school and give me a big hug like she always did when I got home.

I will remember Kayleigh for the rest of my life, and it does make it feel better when I know other people are remembering her too.

Baby Photos

I thought I would share a couple of baby photos of Kayleigh which I liked.

Less than 24 hours old

3 months old

6 months old

Family Photos

Kayleigh really liked getting pictures done with the whole family. She paid for one of the christmas photos one year and insisted that we were all in it. Family was very important to her and all the family pics we have she is smiling and making sure that the other kids aren't being stupid.

One of the family photos from christmas Kayleigh kept in her bag and took it to school. I am not sure why  - and at home she kept in in her cupboard in sight of where she could see it when she was in bed.

The photo Kayleigh took everywhere with her

Kayleigh was a little frustrated as Kiara kept wiggling.

On top of the hill behind our place - Summer 2010

Kayleighs thoughts on Immigration

Kayleigh's Thoughts: Immigration

Somedays when you talk to you kids, you realise that they have thoughts and understanding about all sorts of issues that you probably think that they don't. A week before Kayleigh passed away, I was driving down to the shops with just Kayleigh when she told me she had been thinking about the 'boat people' and immigration of people to Australia. I don't know if they had been doing work on this at school, but it was a big topic on the news at the time. It was one of those moments where I thought to myself that Kayleigh really was growing up and that she was socially aware of the 'big issue' topics and not just concerned about her own issues.

Kayleigh told me that she knew why people wanted to leave their own countries and move to Australia due to wars and persecution, and she  could understand the risks involved in getting on a boat and trying to get here. The thing that Kayleigh said she had trouble with was what they did when they got here. Kayleigh stated that immigrants should probably be segregated from Australia society until we knew who they were (just in case they were terrorists) but not just the boat people but all people that claimed refuggee status when here (the people that arrive on plane) but while in detention they should be doing mandatory English lessons and the dentention should be set up in a way to mirror australian life, with schools and shops and workplaces, so that the people could gain an understanding, basic english skills and life skills, familiarity with the currency etc so when they were granted refugee status and were out in society they already had some basic skills to assist them.

Kayleigh also did not like that when immigrants were given Australian residency, then they were allowed to bring their family to Australia. This attitude was due to someone we knew who married a chinese girl, who within 1 year of getting married (and therefore gaining Australian residency) had brought her parents, her brothers and sisters and her Aunt and uncle to Australia through the immigration policy of keeping families together. Kayleigh thought that each person should be considered on their merits of what they could bring to Australia, not just because they were related to someone who lived here.

It really was a eye-opening conversation to have with Kayleigh and we had a great discussion on the pros and cons of mandatory detention and why the immigration policies are the way they are.

Reign of terror!

As the oldest child, it was sort of expected that Kayleigh would help out with the younger children. Every morning she would help kiara and Lucas get ready for school and tell Natassja and Terry off for being too slow. Kayleigh was really good at making sure that the other kids were behaving themselves (even if kayleigh was doing the wrong thing!).

When the others were not doing the right thing, Kayleigh would use stand over tactics and several times I stopped Kayleigh punching Terry or Natassja, I walked in on them arguing, with kayleigh grabbing the others with one hand and her arm pulled back with a clenched fist in the other. Kayleigh was so good at getting the others to do things because she reigned over them in terror!