Sleeping

Kayleigh was always what I would call a restless sleeper. She was a deep sleeper - nothing could wake her, but she tossed and turned all night long. As a baby she used to go to sleep on the lounge with the music up and the vacuum cleaner going. As soon as you stopped the music she would wake up and only settle when the music was back on again - maybe the two 15inch woofers behind the lounge massaged her in her sleep - she seemed to prefer it. Kayleigh was sleeping in a normal size bed at 11 months old when Natassja was born - and she never fell out - and transitioned to the top bunk bed when she was 2 - and she was very happy to be up there as she could climb up and down without a problem. As she got older, Kayleigh swapped with Natassja and took the bottom bunk and when Kiara was 1, Kayleigh got a double sized mattress and slept with her little baby sister - which she absolutely loved.

As I mentioned before Kayleigh was a restless sleeper - every night there would be thumps on the wall as she turned over and her hand (or head, or leg, or arm) hit the wall. Kayleigh always had her bed coo\mfortable - she had a doona underneath the bottom sheet to provide cushioning and comfort as well as the top doona (or two if it was winter) and two pillows for herself. She always made sure she had to most comfortable pillow, much to Natassja disgust and many arguments at night they had was over whose pillow it was, with Kayleigh winning most because she was the scariest :)

Making Tea

One thing Kayleigh loved to do was make her Dad a cup of tea. She had been doing it since she was old enough to be able to pour the hot water safely - about 9/10 years old. To help her improve her tea making, she asked Terence (and me when she made me one) to give her a rank out of ten for the tea - considering strength, temperature, milk and sugar. Kayleigh always had a beam on her face when she got the rare 10 out of 10, and if she got a score of less than 6 she would take the cup back and try again - she also drank the other tea, sometimes I think she made the cup of tea the way she wanted it so she could have it, and then make her Dads cup of tea the way her liked it. Kayleigh and her dad also make up a little 'jingle' to say when a cup of tea was required . . . .'Tell me you love me and make me a cup of tea'.

When visitors came over she started asking them to rate their tea and she would a confused look from them. I guess most people don't vocalise what they think of the drink someone serves them. Kayleigh however was always so nice about it and most people were happy to rank her.

Australia day

Quite a few years ago, on australia Day, we woke up to find that someone had put Australian flags next to each driveway in Theodore (It turned out it was a Real Estate company). Kayleigh was the first one to see them and was so excited she ran up and down the street taking them so all of her brothers and sisters had one. Terence dared her to climb the bus stop pole in front of our house and put her flag at the top - I don't think he though Kayleigh could climb the pole - she was only about 9 at the time. Kayleigh took one look at the pole, took her flag and went straight to the top placing her flag between the pole and the bus stop sign. It lasted about 3 days before it went missing.

Every Australia Day and ANZAC day, Kayleigh made sure we had a flag and she put it up on the top of the bus stop. Last ANZAC day she caught some teenagers knicking off with it, she confronted them but they just laughed and walked off. This year, Natassja has put the flag up for Kayleigh.

Splinters

When Kayleigh was about 2, we moved into our current house in Theodore. The backyard was a total write off - no grass, no trees, concrete everywhere and old car parts buried in the ground. It was not really a safe place for children to be playing. Over time, Terence landscaped it, planted grass and trees and shrubs. In the mean time, it meant that we had to  keep shoes on Kayleigh and Natassja when they went outside - which was a next to impossible task. Kayleigh loved running around without shoes and at least once a week she would have a splinter (or four) in her feet. Being a young child however, as soon as she saw me getting a ''noodle'' out of the first aid kit she would run the other way. I eventually gave up trying to do it when she was awake, so once a week when she was sleeping during the day, I would go into her room and remove the splinters from her feet so she wouldn't feel it, and wouldn't struggle. There was one through that Daddy had to get out. Kayleigh, being Kayleigh, like to climb up on the fence and talk to the neighbours, or see what was going on out the front of the house. We still had wooden fences back then. Typically, she was not wearing any shoes and climbed the fence. Her foot slid of the paling and she got - well I couldn't call it a splinter - a piece of fence in her big toe. It was at least 5mm wide and 2cm long. I looked at it immediately - she wasn't crying but she couldn't walk properly with it in there - I tried using the noodle and tweezers but the fence piece was stuck in there fast Terence came and saw what all the fuss was about and got his razor and cut Kayleighs toe and remove the piece in about 3 seconds flat - after I had been trying to get it out for 20 minutes. I think me trying to get it out hurt more than it going in. I'd like to say she learnt her lesson after that, but no, she still climbed on the fence without shoes and still got splinters - just never as big as that one.

Choices

This is a hard subject to talk about, and may cause some distress - please read with this in mind.
When Kayleigh was in hospital and we were waiting to see if she would make it, one of the things running  through my mind was what would we do if she was brain damaged to the point that she could not participate in life. We never got the chance to have that as Kayleighs life signs were non existent - the brain damage was that severe that she was never going to wake up or breathe by herself - in all sense of the word it was only the machines keeping her alive, so we let her go. But the 'what if's plague your mind. What if Kayleigh had enough life signs so she could wake up and breathe by herself, but had brain damage to a point that she couldn't communicate or do anything for herself. This was close to us as a neighbour a couple of doors down had this happen - their daughter had a massive epleiletic fit which caused massive brain damage when she was 9 - she survived but is unable to do anything for herself and cannot communicate even on a basic level. She lives her life in a wheelchair. Kayleigh remembered her as the girl who used to walk past with her older sister - a quiet girl, and she then saw her as the girl in the wheelchair. When Kayleigh was younger and complaining about something, we reminded her of this girl and how lucky she was. From Kayleigh friends recollections, this stuck and Kayleigh even told them that she was always happy because some people did have what she had - a family that loved her, food, water, air and the ability to run, read, write and know people.

When Kayleigh was lying in the hospital bed, I thought about this girl and if we could manage with Kayleigh in that position. Terence and I have discussed it since. As much as we would have wanted Kayleigh to survive and be with us, the thought of her in a wheelchair unable to move, eat or communicate - we couldn't have done that to her. The life span of someone with such severe disabilities is only about 5-7 years-  - and that would be years that she would be living a life, not for her, but for us because we couldn't let her go. Kayleigh was such a happy, vibrant and alive person and to have her with us, but only as a shell of herself would be the ultimate act of selfishness. In some ways I am thankful that we were never given the choice - letting someone go is very very hard, but having to choose to let them go would be harder.

Kayleigh FaceBook Site

For people to link to:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=116158815094208&v=app_2373072738#!/group.php?gid=116158815094208

Making the bed

Kayleigh used to be like any other child around - impossible to get to make her bed - ever. It was a good thing that she only had a bottom sheet and a doona, so it was easy to pick up and make look straight. Then around the time she went to high school she starting taking more care of her things - and starting making her bed. Now I am not talking about throwing the doona on an straightening it out a little, Kayleigh was fastidious when it came to the bed - it had to be perfect. The doona had to be placed symmetrically on the bed, with the same amount of doona on either side. She then pulled the bed out a little from the wall and tucked in one side, then squashed the bed against the wall to make sure the doona didn't move. Kayleigh then pulled the other side tight and tucked it in. Lastly she would get Natassja to hold one end while she pulled the doona tight at the bottom of the bed and tucked it in - thus she had a perfect bed with no wrinkles. Nothing annoyed Kayleigh more than someone lying (or sitting) on the bed after she had made it, as it meant she would have to de-wrinkle the bed after. I did it many time, both accidentally and on purpose (in fun) just to see her flip her lid, roll her eyes and tell you to get off her bl**dy bed.

Reasons for the songs we chose

I have spoken over the months to people how have remarked on the songs that we chose to play at Kayleigh's funeral and alot of the time the reason that we chose the songs we did was hard to explain in a short meaningful way so I thought I would write it down here.

Foo  Fighters ' Let it Die' from Foo Fighters 'Echoes Silence Patience & Grace 'album.
The album was one of Kayleigh's favourite to listen to on record (yes VINYL) and Let it Die was her favourite song on the album. We choose this not only as  a song that Kayleigh loved, but as a question to the 'higher being' that took her away from us. Kayleigh liked this song as it starts of softly and slowly and got heavier and louder ending up with the singer almost screaming the words 'Why'd you have to go and let it die?'

Why'd you have to go and let it die?
Why'd you have to go and let it die?
In too deep and out of time.
Why'd you have to go and let it die?

Do you ever think of me?
You're so considerate.
Do you ever think of me?
Oh, so considerate.

In too deep and lost in time
Why'd you have to go and let it die?

Celine Dion ' My Heart Will Go On' - Kayleigh's most favourite song in the whole world - previously written about in this blog.

Lily Allen ' F**k You" from her 'It's not Me, It's You" album
This song Kayleigh had as her ringtone for a while until she realised that it might go off at an inappropriate time and embarrass her. Kayleigh loved Lily Allen and I know people thought we chose this song as a f**k you to the higher being - but our reason was quite different. The song is a 'happy' song with an uplifting beat - that reflected Kayleigh's happy bubbly personality. The lyrics of the song also reflects a lot of Kayleigh's opinions of people that were small minded and didn't think of other people and imposed their ideas without compromise.

Look inside, Look inside your tiny mind
And look a bit harder
Cuz we're so uninspired
So sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor

So you say, It's not okay to be gay
Well i think you're just evil
You're just some racist
Who cant tie my laces
You're point of view is medieval

Fuck you, Fuck you
Fuck you very very much
Cuz we hate what you do
And we hate you're whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

School: Year 8: Science

For Science in Year 8, Kayleigh had Ms Thompson (again). At the start of the year Kayleigh's class list had her in Level 3, which I thought was a little odd considering she did so well in Level 2 the previous year. Kayleigh was a little confused as well, but didn't say anything to the teacher so I had to call the school and ask Ms Thompson myself why they had dropped her down a level. It turned out to be an error and they quickly rectified it and put Kayleigh back into Level 2. Kayleigh again did well at the practical side of Science and did well in her Test. Ms Thompson said at parent teacher night how much Kayleigh had applied herself and how much she helped explain concepts to other students in the class who were having trouble. The assignment in Science was to make a Biome and Kayleigh chose to do a coral reef. For the biome itself we got a plaster kit from Bunnings of fish shapes, which Kayleigh made and painted. Kayleigh then foraged around our backyard for plants that could be used as coral and for rocks. The finished biome weighed a ton - I have no idea how she managed to ride her bike to school with it. The written part of the biome she had a little bit of trouble with, but I showed her how to format it is so it was easy to read and make sure she answered the questions correctly. When Kayleigh got home a week after the assigment was handed in she was very excited to say the she got the second highest mark in the grade. She showed me the marking sheet and I noticed Ms Thompson had forgotten to mark one of the criteria so Kayleigh took it back the next day and got Ms Thompson to correct it - Kayleigh now had to joint top mark - but then noticed (again) Ms Thomspon had only added 1 mark instead of the 2 marks that the criteria had. Kayleigh didn't have time to get Ms Thompson to fix it. Natassja brought the plaster fish home and Terence has stored them in a special place to remind us of Kayleigh.

School: Year 8: PE

For PE in Year 8, Kayleigh had Mr George - she was a little disappointed at first because she really wanted Ms Peachey, but Mr George was the second best so she was OK with it. Where as most girls in High School hate PE, Kayleigh loved it and was always in the fray with whatever game they were playing. Several time Kayleigh came home telling me how she had done something in PE and the other girls just sat around talking instead of participating. Kayleigh biggest thrill though was playing tackle football with the boys because none of the other girls would do it. Kayleigh even asked me to call Mr George and say it was OK for her to do it as he was a little concerned she was taking on the boys. I was told at parent teacher night in May that Kayleigh was outstanding in PE for her enthusiasm and willingness to give anything a go. Mr George was impressed that Kayleigh was competitive and would play tackle football - although he thought the boys were a little soft on her because she was a girl and they probably didn't want to hurt her or accidentally put their hands in an inappropriate spot :/ thus making it easier for Kayleigh to score a try. Kayleigh was on track to get a high A in PE dependant on an assignment that was due mid June.

Surprise at Bunnings

We were walking through Bunnings the other day and in the tool section, where they have the builders pencils and markers I saw one where Kayleigh had writeen something. It was her nickname - and Natassja has also signed it. As soon as I saw it I knew I had to have it, so I tore off the front of the box (I know, naughty me) :O

Now that I am thinking about it, Kayleigh always played with the pens at Bunnings when Terence was looking at tools. Mostly she just drew lines and pictures - but obviously with this particular one she wrote Leluu. S.

Family: Anthony

Many of Kayleigh friends might not know this, but Kayleigh has an older half-brother Anthony. Kayleigh saw Anthony every second weekend from when she was born up until a couple of years ago. as you would expect half-siblings that don't live with each other are bound to clash, especially when they are both eldest children - although Kayleighs personality was much stronger than Anthonys in the end so she definitely ruled the kids here.

As children Kayleigh really worshipped Anthony - the cooler big brother that she saw when he came over - he is 4 years older than Kayleigh. She got to play all the games that he wanted to play and since he was bigger she could play fight with him, which she couldn't do with her younger siblings.

As they got older, the dynamic changed. Anthony really didn't like visiting much and Kayleigh took it personally and also took offense that he didn't want to visit her dad and mum (she was very loyal). Several times she asked anthony outright why he didn't want to visit and he never gave her an answer she was happy with. When Anthony reached 15 we gave him the choice whether he wanted to visit and he chose not to except occasionally when it suited him. He was a typical teenager by that stage and started smoking and drinking - which Kayleigh found completely disgusting. Kayleigh mentioned to me that she though he was an idiot for smoking and not looking after himself.

I think to final thing that really got to Kayleigh with Anthony was something that happened when Kayleigh was in Year 7. Anthony was seeing a girl that went to calwell high and one day was hanging around with his friends waiting to see her at lunchtime. They got bored and broke into the bike racks and vandalised a couple of bikes, The one that Anthony decided to damage happened to be Kayleighs (although he didn't know it at the time). When Kayleigh finished for the day she found her seat pulled off and her tyres flat and the pedals half undone. She had to walk her bike home. As Kayleigh had seen Anthony hanging around a couple of times before, Terence called Anthony and asked him if a couple of his friends had been at the school that day and damaged some bikes. He muffed around and didn't answer. We saw his mother a couple of days later and she mentioned that Anthony was really pissed with himself because he'd damaged his sisters bike.

Kayleigh never really saw Anthony after that - she did love him in a way - he was her brother - but the things he did did not meet up with her way of thinking.