The writing under the bed

I have have previously mentioned, Kayleigh (and Natassja) would write on the wood under Kayleighs bed. Kayleigh would do it when she was happy, when she was angry or sad and sometimes when Natassja and here were being rude to each other. Attached is a selection things the Kayleigh wrote.

Being rude with Natassja

Not sure if this started out well, and then sucked

After a bad day at school

Fighting with Natassja

Tagging her bed :)

Too sad  :'(

Everyone has happy moments

Written News Years Eve 2010.

Thinking outside the square

Terence and I were discussing some of the things Kayleigh had done when she was little and one of things that keeps cropping up is how Kayleigh, when she was little, would think of ways of doing things that the rest of us couldn't think of.

When she was about 5, Terence was making a vege patch and wanted to put some mesh over the top to prevent the dog getting into it when the veges where just seedlings. To help hold it down Terence needed some U-nails but we didn't have any. Terence was discussing it with me telling me to go down the hardware store and get some nails when Kayleigh piped up and said ' Dad why don't you just get some normal nails, take the tops off and bend them over, then you will have a u-nail'. She was right, and we didn't think of it.

One day, Terence was trying to move a brick from the retaining wall (they are very large bricks) and the brick was buried in the soil. Terence had been trying for ages to get the thing out when Kayleigh came along with a long steel pole and told Terence to use it with a small brick to lever it out. Terence felt silly cause he didn't think of it.

No posts this week

Apologies to everyone that is reading Kayleighs blog, the last week has been hard - with Kayleigh 14 years and 9 months day passing (the day she was looking forward to since she was 12) and then her final death certificate being delivered. It has been a little much. I have spent some moments crying - in the shower, in the car on the way to work and one time when I woke up. It's still hard, everyday I think about her, and recollect moments in her life and sometimes think about that fateful morning and go through the 'what if's' in my head - which don't really do me any good. I have found myself turning off the radio because some of the songs have lyrics that either remind me of Kayleigh or remind me of what we have lost.

I will get back to writing some more, when I feel more like it, so keep checking in.

Memory: Hannah Jacoby

Kayleigh and Hannah were first friends in Kindy and Year one, before Hannah went to a different school. They re-connected in High School. This post was written by Hannah:

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Kayleigh was more than a best friend to me, she was like a sister I never new until high school. I love her like she was my sister. Kayleigh was not like other people. she was a caring person, who cared for everyone, she was also amazing and no one can take that from her.. Kayleigh should of had more time in life, but we can't control the way god controls the world. but I know she is in heaven looking down on us. She is in a safer place..

I miss sitting at the tree we always sat at with tash and some other friends, talking about stuff that we don't tell anyone else.  I remember the last time we were together, We were sitting at our tree and I remember you said that you weren't feeling so well.  Everyday all I can think about is the last words I heard you say to me, I will see you at lunch...

MY message to Kayleigh..

Dear Kayleigh,
I miss you so much, no one could believe it but maybe your family, you were like that older sister that I loved, told everything to, there is not one day that  can't think about you.. you were the friend I told everything to. I miss you and love you!!

love Hannah..

Things I have that remind me of Kayleigh

Most of Kayleigh's things sit in a crate in the top of the linen cupboard - it's preatty sad to think that her whole life could fit into one crate. There are a couple of things that we have that remind me strongly of Kayleigh so when I am missing her most, I look at them...

1. Her dressing gown - Nanny bought her this for Easter the last year and she wore it every night before bed and most mornings before she got dressed. It's soft and smells like her still.

2. Her mock for her phone - it's rainbow coloured - her favourite

3. The picture Kayliegh drew for me for Christmas when she was in pre-school. I had it at work with me since then and used to look at it every day.

4. Her Leluu towel she won in Year 7 for doing the most exercise activities in a period.

5. The wheat pillow she made in Kindergarten for Mother's day. I have never ever used it but it reminds me of her.

Learning to Skip

Now I don't mean learning to skip with a skipping rope - because Kayleigh was very good a skipping with a skipping rope - she was even in the top group at primary school in the skipping group they had. What I mean by learning to skip is the action like walking, running . . . . . .and skipping.

Now you would have thought Kayleigh would be really good at skipping, after all she was great at running and climbing and doing the monkey bars - but funny enough learning how to skip did not come naturally to her. At Pre-school the mid-year report was based on things such a balancing on the balance beam and sitting and paying attention and one of the things that Kayleigh rated low at was skipping. I tried to explain skipping to Kayleigh - I told her that it was like walking but with a small hop on each leg as you moved (how else can you explain skipping??) and showed her. The very next morning she decided to ''skip'' to school - which was her hopping twice on each leg all the way down. It looked . . . . .well . . . . ridiculous (try it yourself!!!!) - Kayleigh just couldn't get the rhythm of skipping. It hen told her to take a step before the hopping part so step, hop, step, hop, step, hop - which she did try and managed to trip herself over. You could see that she was thinking too hard about getting to right and not letting it come naturally. After that I pretty much think she gave up until Natassja showed her. Kayleigh wasn't much one for skipping, I hardly ever saw her skipping - running was her thing so that's what she did.

14 and 9 months

This coming week Kayleigh would have been 14 years and 9 months old - an age that she had been counting down to since she turned 12. The day that she could go out and get a job. Kayleigh had big plans for working. She had decided that the best first job to get would be at Woolworths in Calwell - 1. because it was close to home and school and 2. because she would get a staff discount that could help her family with the food bill (yes it is only 5% but every little bit counts). Kayleigh had already asked me to set up an internet banking account for her when she started working as she planned to save at least 75% of her income and leave 25% for her to buy things she wanted to - which knowing her would have been things for her siblings or for her dad. Kayleigh figured she could earn $100 a fortnight, and from that she could save $2000 in the first year and over $10,000 in four years (taking into account that the hourly rate increases as you get older). Kayleigh's plan was to buy a property by the time she was 21 - and she knew she needed about $30,000 to achieve this. Her plan included getting full time employment by the time she was 19 - as a personal trainer or gym instructor - and living at home - and saving the 75% of each pay still. She thought she could be earning $35,000 p/a by then, so could save $600 p/f or $15,000 per year. After she got her house, she then planned to rent the rooms out and so she would have extra income to assist with the mortgage.

Of course this was all just a plan and nothing ever works out as you plan it - Kayleigh might have decided to buy a car, or go overseas with her friends, but knowing her, I think she would have done as she planned.

Father's day

Father's day has come again, this years has turned out better than last years, which is good for Terence.

Father's day was one of those days that Kayleigh tried to make special for her dad. Every year she would get excited and make father's day cards in advance and try and get the other kids to sign them. One year, she got Terence a box of Lindt chocolate balls (which were his favourite at the time) and attempted to do the right thing by making daddy a cup of coffee in bed with a plate of lindt balls. In her attempt to be wonderful she had un-wrapped the lindt balls before presenting them. I don't think Terence could have managed to eat 10 lindt balls with his coffee that morning . . . .  .

In year 7, fathers day occurred when Kayleigh had metal work at school and being her, she made him a Father's Day card using metal. She spent a couple of days cutting it is size and trimming the corners and then bending it. They didn't have an engraver at school she could use so she brought it home and scratched 'Daddy' on the front and the wrote her message on a post-it note and stuck it inside. Terence keeps his card in his shed to look at when he feels like it. Kayleigh's card will never break down or tear - it will last forever.

Grandpa and the birthday present hunt

When Kayleigh was 12, Grandpa decided that she was old enough to do a little extra to get her birthday present, and so he devised a birthday present hunt using cryptic clues that led Kayleigh from our house all around Theodore. Grandpa set the clues up and placed them all in their places before coming to our house and giving Kayleigh her present - which only consisted of an envelope with the first clue. The clues had her running all over the place, from the little park near our house, down to the school, the oval , the park past the oval and other places until leading them back to our house. Grandpa had given me the keys to the car and had me hide the present under her pillow ready for her to find. Kayleigh thought that this was completely AWESOME and begged and begged Grandpa to do it again for her next birthday. Grandpa liked making her 'work' for her present and they had a lot of fun trying to figure out each clue and running to find the next one. Kayleigh really really really really enjoyed this method of getting presents as she has so much fun doing it - it was almost better than the present itself. (By the way the present she got that year was a butterfly pendant for her necklace that she wore to her year 6 graduation - I have have been wearing it for the last 6 months)

The Coroners Inquest

I got the phone call today. The Coroner has finished his investigation into Kayleigh's death and we will finally have the death certificate next week. He said the hold up was getting the information out of the ambulance service - he only got it this week, after requesting it this time last year. According the ambulance records the Calwell Ambulance was not available as it was already at the hospital dropping off another patient. The closest one to us was at Kambah and it came as quickly as it could. It begs the question - is there only one ambulance at Calwell????? and if so, why????

The official cause of Kayleigh's death, as to be shown her the death certificate is Global Ischemia (Brain damage caused by lack of blood supply) caused by prolonged cardiac arrest - by our measure by the time the ambulance got here Kayleigh had been not breathing for almost 30 minutes. She never had a chance. The report also outlined that she had the early signs of pneumonia in both lungs and signs of asthma consistent with bronchial-asthmatics. The cause for her heart stopping is unknown and will never be known. The heart itself was fine, but any electrical problems cannot be determined after death.

So where does that leave us - with more questions that do not have an answer and it makes me sad and angry. WE will never know what really caused her death and we will never know if the outcome would have been different if the ambulance was only 3 minutes away. We may have got Kayleigh back but she have been a 'vegetable', or she may have been OK. We will never know.