When Kayleigh started walking we noticed that her right foot turned in a loooooong way and her left foot also turned in ( although not as much) so she was quite pigeon toed. We took her to the doctors and ask what we should do. Dr Reading was a great doctor (pity he retired) and he did a full check up and paid particular attention to the muscles in her feet and ankles and lower legs. Kayleigh's pigeon toes where not because she had issues with her muscles or joint formation, it was the way she taught herself to balance. The doctor told us not to worry because it wasn't effecting the way she walked or ran.
Kayleigh didn't notice her pigeon toes much, it didn't make any difference to her and no-one actually noticed (i mean who looks at your feet?!). By the time she got to being a teenager, you couldn't really notice that she was pigeon toed at all as her balance was alot better but it was noticeable when she got tired her foot turned in more. She also wore out the outside of her shoe more on the right foot because of the extra pressure applied on that side.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
There was a dark dark. ...........
I was reading the start of natassjas creative writing story and I got talking with her about stories her and kayleigh told to each other. I know every night before bed they would chat and make up stories and the one Natassja most remembered was one that was kind of silly:
In a dark dark world there was a dark dark forest. In this dark dark forest there was a dark dark tree and next to the tree there was a dark dark path. If you followed the dark dark path you came to a dark dark house. This dark dark house has a dark dark door. If you open this dark dark door you enter a dark dark room. Across this dark dark room is a dark dark staircase. If you go up the dark dark staircase there is another dark dark door. Open the dark dark door and go into the dark dark bedroom. On the floor of this dark dark bedroom is a dark dark cupboard. Inside the dark dark cupboard is a dark dark box...... And inside the dark dark box is ............. A rainbow scarf! ( or something else that completely doesn't go)
I love learning new things about Kayleigh I didn't know before. Although I saw her everyday and knew what she was like I am still finding things out about her that make me realize that she was even more then what I knew her to be.
In a dark dark world there was a dark dark forest. In this dark dark forest there was a dark dark tree and next to the tree there was a dark dark path. If you followed the dark dark path you came to a dark dark house. This dark dark house has a dark dark door. If you open this dark dark door you enter a dark dark room. Across this dark dark room is a dark dark staircase. If you go up the dark dark staircase there is another dark dark door. Open the dark dark door and go into the dark dark bedroom. On the floor of this dark dark bedroom is a dark dark cupboard. Inside the dark dark cupboard is a dark dark box...... And inside the dark dark box is ............. A rainbow scarf! ( or something else that completely doesn't go)
I love learning new things about Kayleigh I didn't know before. Although I saw her everyday and knew what she was like I am still finding things out about her that make me realize that she was even more then what I knew her to be.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Weight
At birth Kayleigh weighed 3.170 kgs, or 6 pound 13 3/4 oz ( close enough to 7 pounds!) and measured 52cm (she was a looooooong baby). As a baby her weight on the baby scale started off a little higher than the average and then flatten out to always be in between the average and the 25% percentile. As a child I neer worried about her weight, she was a very active little girl and she ate everything that was put in front of her without any issues. Kayleigh did have a preference for pasta dishes and roast dinner. as she got into her upper primary school years, I started noticing that she wasn't eating her lunch. I asked Kayleigh and she said she wasn't hungry at lunch time, but she always came home from school and ate things in the cupboard or fridge. I got a little frustrated and then told her to make her own sandwiches if she wasn't going to eat what I had made. I then found that Kayleigh didn't make her lunch at all. I approached her Year 6 teacher and asked her to ensure that Kayleigh was eating her lunch, but she never did, which annoyed me. By this stage Kayleigh was the smallest built girl in the year (and the shortest) but I think from what I know now, Kayleigh stopped eating at school because the other girls teased her and called her fat (!).
In year 7 at High School, I noticed again that she wasn't eating her lunch and I rang up her year group teacher Mr Haidon. He spoke with Kayleigh and figured out that she wasn't eating her sandwiches because they were jam sandwiches, which are high in sugar and in Kayleigh's mind, not healthy. Mr Haidon arranged with the canteen to make Kayleigh salad sandwiches - best thing ever. Kayleigh then ate lunch every day without fail. I told her that if she didn't Mr Haidon would find out and she would get into trouble, but she really enjoyed her (healthy) salad sandwiches so it wasn't an issue. (thank you Mr Haidon!)
When we got the Wii for Christmas that year, it had a BMI calculator built in, and weekly I would get Kayleigh to measure herself. She was always hovering around the bottom of the healthy weight range and many times she slipped into the 'underweight' category - most of these times were just after she grew. The worst measurement she had was 4 kilos under just after she had been sick for a couple of days. I always told her that she was genetically skinny (just look at her dad) but it was important for her to maintain her weight in the healthy category as underweight people, when they get sick, don't have the resources to help them get better faster. I also told her is she stayed under for too long I would take her to the doctor - something she didn't want to do. Kayleigh did take this to heart and tried to ensure that she was above the line.
At her passing, Kayleigh weight just 45 kgs, which with her height of 158 cm (just 4 cm shorter than her dad) put her just above the healthy weight line.
In year 7 at High School, I noticed again that she wasn't eating her lunch and I rang up her year group teacher Mr Haidon. He spoke with Kayleigh and figured out that she wasn't eating her sandwiches because they were jam sandwiches, which are high in sugar and in Kayleigh's mind, not healthy. Mr Haidon arranged with the canteen to make Kayleigh salad sandwiches - best thing ever. Kayleigh then ate lunch every day without fail. I told her that if she didn't Mr Haidon would find out and she would get into trouble, but she really enjoyed her (healthy) salad sandwiches so it wasn't an issue. (thank you Mr Haidon!)
When we got the Wii for Christmas that year, it had a BMI calculator built in, and weekly I would get Kayleigh to measure herself. She was always hovering around the bottom of the healthy weight range and many times she slipped into the 'underweight' category - most of these times were just after she grew. The worst measurement she had was 4 kilos under just after she had been sick for a couple of days. I always told her that she was genetically skinny (just look at her dad) but it was important for her to maintain her weight in the healthy category as underweight people, when they get sick, don't have the resources to help them get better faster. I also told her is she stayed under for too long I would take her to the doctor - something she didn't want to do. Kayleigh did take this to heart and tried to ensure that she was above the line.
At her passing, Kayleigh weight just 45 kgs, which with her height of 158 cm (just 4 cm shorter than her dad) put her just above the healthy weight line.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Split lip
Every year since Kayleigh was about 6 in autumn, her lips would dry out and she would get a split in her lip in the same spot every time. It didn't matter what we tried to do, it still split. Some years it would get better quickly but one year it did split quite badly and it took weeks and weeks to heal. after that she had a small scar under her lip where the split was. The funny thing it always coincided with Natassja getting a sore on her lip. Kayleigh never really complained about it, even though it must have really hurt as it would often bleed and it looked really bad.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Memory: Jordon Primrose
Jordon was Kayleigh's friend in the early primary school years until Jordon moved school.
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Kayleigh
We've always been really close we have known each other since we were tiny little kids we went to school together we played together and we shared laughs and smiles for many long years, we had so many memories of playing around having water and mud fights which i don't think our parents appreciated but whenever i was around you i always had fun no matter what we were doing, as i look back and think we never did once fight and it made our friendship stronger, i miss you a tons and you were a healthy young child but you were taken away but i will never forget you i love you more and more each day ♥
We've always been really close we have known each other since we were tiny little kids we went to school together we played together and we shared laughs and smiles for many long years, we had so many memories of playing around having water and mud fights which i don't think our parents appreciated but whenever i was around you i always had fun no matter what we were doing, as i look back and think we never did once fight and it made our friendship stronger, i miss you a tons and you were a healthy young child but you were taken away but i will never forget you i love you more and more each day ♥
Climbing the tree
In Year 5, Kayleigh got into the habit of climbing a tree on the way home from school. Natassja and their friend Alexandra would clamber up into this tree and see how far up, or across the branches they could get. Kayleigh, being her normal self would climb up to the top of the tree until the branches were too thin to support her.
To get into the tree, sometimes they would give each other a push up the truck until they could reach to lower branch and then Kayleigh decided to try another method. This tree, at that time has branches the were closer to the ground because of it's position near an underpass, with the steep sides of the ground where it goes up to the shops and the road level. Kayleigh located a suitable branch, that required her to jump up and grasp one of the twigs, and then pull the branch down until she could hold onto a thicker part. Kayleigh then jumped and swung and 'monkey walked' one hand over the other until the branch was thick enough for her to swing her legs up and around the branch. From there she pulled herself over until she was the right way up. Kayleigh, Natassja and Alexandra climbed that tree ever day while the parents stood around at the base chatting. When it was time to go, Kayleigh then climbed out on the other side of the tree, grabbed the branch she was standing on and then swung herself down. There was normally about 1 to 1 1/2 metres between herself and the ground but she let go of the branch without fear. Mind you she was landing on rather uneven ground but it never worried her and she never hurt herself. Kayleigh really had no fear when climbing that tree and I will always remember the happiness on her face as she stood at the top, the tallest thing around.
To get into the tree, sometimes they would give each other a push up the truck until they could reach to lower branch and then Kayleigh decided to try another method. This tree, at that time has branches the were closer to the ground because of it's position near an underpass, with the steep sides of the ground where it goes up to the shops and the road level. Kayleigh located a suitable branch, that required her to jump up and grasp one of the twigs, and then pull the branch down until she could hold onto a thicker part. Kayleigh then jumped and swung and 'monkey walked' one hand over the other until the branch was thick enough for her to swing her legs up and around the branch. From there she pulled herself over until she was the right way up. Kayleigh, Natassja and Alexandra climbed that tree ever day while the parents stood around at the base chatting. When it was time to go, Kayleigh then climbed out on the other side of the tree, grabbed the branch she was standing on and then swung herself down. There was normally about 1 to 1 1/2 metres between herself and the ground but she let go of the branch without fear. Mind you she was landing on rather uneven ground but it never worried her and she never hurt herself. Kayleigh really had no fear when climbing that tree and I will always remember the happiness on her face as she stood at the top, the tallest thing around.
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| Image Kayleigh at the top in her rainbow jumper. Note that they have now cut the lower branches off :( Spoil sports. |
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Drawing
Kayleigh liked to draw but because Natassja is quite talented at drawing I think she felt that her drawings weren't as good. I know that she said she always wanted to be better at drawing - probably to give Natassja a run for her money - the same way Natassja always said she wanted to be more flexible like Kayleigh so she could be competitive with something Kayleigh was good at.
One week, Kayleigh put alot of effort into drawing the Chelsea football club symbol. It was on her doona cover. I watched Kayleigh draw some of it, and she was so careful and spent probably close to 10 hours drawing it before colouring it in. It wasn't prefect, but Kayleigh was really proud of it.
Another Kayleigh drew was a copy of a doodle that I drew. It is a flower that's started of as a star, with the petals drawn around it. I drew it once, and then Kayleigh copied it everywhere. I found scribbles of it in her drawing book and in the school books. The picture that I have attached below is one of the last she did. If I was ever to get a tattoo, it would be of this.
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One week, Kayleigh put alot of effort into drawing the Chelsea football club symbol. It was on her doona cover. I watched Kayleigh draw some of it, and she was so careful and spent probably close to 10 hours drawing it before colouring it in. It wasn't prefect, but Kayleigh was really proud of it.
Another Kayleigh drew was a copy of a doodle that I drew. It is a flower that's started of as a star, with the petals drawn around it. I drew it once, and then Kayleigh copied it everywhere. I found scribbles of it in her drawing book and in the school books. The picture that I have attached below is one of the last she did. If I was ever to get a tattoo, it would be of this.
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| LIZOG - Don't ask me what it is, or why she drew it |
Thursday, July 14, 2011
The "d" word
During Year 6, Kayleigh often came home miserable, angry and uncommunicative. For people that knew her after she started high school, this might be hard to imagine.
Kayleigh on the whole was a bright cheerful girl who tried hard not to let things get to her, but after a lengthy period of being every Year 6 girls' butt of every joke, and copping it from everyone around her, Kayleigh self -esteem got to an all time low. Kayleigh would talk about how stupid she was and how she didn't get how to scan documents into the computer when every one else could and how she had no friends. During real low points we would get into arguments and she would tell me that she wanted to be dead, because no one would miss her and it would be easier without her. I always hugged her then, even though she struggled, and told her that it would get easier, that these girls wouldn't be in her life forever (most of them went to MacKillip). We had days that Kayleigh refused to go to school - point blank refusal - and I didn't have it in my heart to make her go.
Kayleigh often wrote on the wood under her bed, funny things, naughty rude things, and things about how she felt. A number of times she wrote 'I just want to die'. As a parent is was so distressing for us because Kayleigh wasn't doing anything wrong, she was being bullied by girls who thought it was amusing to make fun of her, cut her hair, steal her things and push her around. Kayleigh hated school then and hated herself for no good reason and the best thing that happened was starting high school and finding out that people, on the whole, are nice and would stick up for her if someone said something nasty. I look at her scribblings under her bed and think to myself that yes, sometimes Kayleigh felt that she was useless and unliked but there was no way that she did actually want to die.
Kayleigh on the whole was a bright cheerful girl who tried hard not to let things get to her, but after a lengthy period of being every Year 6 girls' butt of every joke, and copping it from everyone around her, Kayleigh self -esteem got to an all time low. Kayleigh would talk about how stupid she was and how she didn't get how to scan documents into the computer when every one else could and how she had no friends. During real low points we would get into arguments and she would tell me that she wanted to be dead, because no one would miss her and it would be easier without her. I always hugged her then, even though she struggled, and told her that it would get easier, that these girls wouldn't be in her life forever (most of them went to MacKillip). We had days that Kayleigh refused to go to school - point blank refusal - and I didn't have it in my heart to make her go.
Kayleigh often wrote on the wood under her bed, funny things, naughty rude things, and things about how she felt. A number of times she wrote 'I just want to die'. As a parent is was so distressing for us because Kayleigh wasn't doing anything wrong, she was being bullied by girls who thought it was amusing to make fun of her, cut her hair, steal her things and push her around. Kayleigh hated school then and hated herself for no good reason and the best thing that happened was starting high school and finding out that people, on the whole, are nice and would stick up for her if someone said something nasty. I look at her scribblings under her bed and think to myself that yes, sometimes Kayleigh felt that she was useless and unliked but there was no way that she did actually want to die.
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| The writing under the bed. |
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The Punching Bag
When Kayleigh was having problems at primary school she was getting very frustrated and had alot of anger. The alleviate some of that, Terence bought Kayleigh a punching bag. Not a very lady-like piece of equipment but it suited the purpose. Terence spent hours with Kayleigh teaching her how to punch properly to not hurt her wrists and how to kick the bag. Terence even bought her a nice pair of pink coloured boxing gloves.
Kayleigh spent between 10 minutes to an hour a day taking her frustrations out on the bag. Her punches started get a bit of weight behind them as she learnt to 'punch through' the bag. I know when she punched her dad on the arms she bruised him a couple of times. The main aim of the bag was to get her to be less angry and it worked. Kayleigh learnt how to punch hard, kick with aggression but more importantly to take her frustration out on something that could handle it.
Kayleigh spent between 10 minutes to an hour a day taking her frustrations out on the bag. Her punches started get a bit of weight behind them as she learnt to 'punch through' the bag. I know when she punched her dad on the arms she bruised him a couple of times. The main aim of the bag was to get her to be less angry and it worked. Kayleigh learnt how to punch hard, kick with aggression but more importantly to take her frustration out on something that could handle it.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Friends thoughts
Over the last year I have received or read many thoughts of Kayleigh from her friends. I thought it would be nice to put some of them on here. Some have been emailed to me, put on her FaceBook page, or people just telling me. WE all know that people (especially teenage girls) have a 'home' persona and a 'school' persona and its allowed me to see what she was like at school with her friends.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Forgotten photos - Down the coast
I was looking through the photos on my computer. I just loaded all my old photos onto it (new laptop) and I found these photos taken by Nanny and Grandad when they took Kayleigh and Natassja down to Batemans Bay a few years ago. Nanny and Grandad took Kayleigh down the coast a couple of times, just for a day trip and she really had fun playing the the sand, jumping in the waves and eating fresh fish with chips at the Batemans Bay fish and chip shops. I think the photos show how happy she was.
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Thursday, July 7, 2011
Doing the right thing for friends
With all the issues Kayleigh had with making friends, she always did the right thing by the friends she did have. I know that Kayleigh would keep a secret and not gossip about her friends, or start rumours. I know that some of her so-called friends in primary school started all sorts of mean and nasty rumours about her and did not ever keep her confidence. One girl she told when she got her first period, by lunch time that day even the boys in her class knew, which is really embarrassing for a girl in year 6 who struggled to be accepted. Kayleigh always kept her friends confidences because she knew what it felt like to be humiliated by people who turned out to be untrustworthy.
Kayleigh also knew when a friends confidence shouldn't be kept. In year 7, one of her friends were self-harming themselves. Kayleigh was very worried and she didn't know what to do. Her friend made her swaer not to tell anyone, but as this situation was dangerous, Kayleigh did the right thing, but not telling her other friends but by coming home and telling me. Kayleigh asked me what to do, what should she say? how could she help her friend? ........ I told her to tell her year advisor or the counsellor at the school as they were the best people to deal with it, and they could also make sure that her friend did not have to know it was her that raised the issue. Kayleigh was relieved as she thought the best way to help her friend was to get her help. The school dealt with the issue well and her friend did find out it was Kayleigh that said something (Kayleigh admitted it to her) and she thanked Kayleigh for it because she didn't have it in her herself to seek help from the counsellor. Kayleigh did the right thing for her friend.
Kayleigh also knew when a friends confidence shouldn't be kept. In year 7, one of her friends were self-harming themselves. Kayleigh was very worried and she didn't know what to do. Her friend made her swaer not to tell anyone, but as this situation was dangerous, Kayleigh did the right thing, but not telling her other friends but by coming home and telling me. Kayleigh asked me what to do, what should she say? how could she help her friend? ........ I told her to tell her year advisor or the counsellor at the school as they were the best people to deal with it, and they could also make sure that her friend did not have to know it was her that raised the issue. Kayleigh was relieved as she thought the best way to help her friend was to get her help. The school dealt with the issue well and her friend did find out it was Kayleigh that said something (Kayleigh admitted it to her) and she thanked Kayleigh for it because she didn't have it in her herself to seek help from the counsellor. Kayleigh did the right thing for her friend.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
The last text message
Kayleigh sent the below message to her Dad the day before she collapsed. She wasn't feeling well, and obviously she shouldn't have been at school. She did have the previous day (Tuesday) off as she wasn't well. After getting the text message, her Dad told her to come home and lay down, get some rest.
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Seeing this text message still distresses me. We didn't take her to a doctor because it didn't seem like she was too bad, just a nasty flu, but then again at that stage the doctor probably wouldn't have done much. It's hard looking back at that time and thinking about the things you could have done differently and she might still be here, but then again you can only go by what you know at the time.
Seeing this text message still distresses me. We didn't take her to a doctor because it didn't seem like she was too bad, just a nasty flu, but then again at that stage the doctor probably wouldn't have done much. It's hard looking back at that time and thinking about the things you could have done differently and she might still be here, but then again you can only go by what you know at the time.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Barbie, Bratz and other Dolls
Kayleigh was not what we would have called a 'girly girl'. Even as a baby/toddler she didn't show much interest in dolls or other girly toys. Her favourite toys, other than Row Row, where matchbox cars and lego. She liked to build things and drive cars around. She did have a few teddy bears and soft toys, including her favourite Moosie but always seemed to be drawn to toys that involved smashing and driving and building rather than pretty things and dolly dress-up.
For her 4th birthday, someone bought her a Barbie doll. Kayleigh's look of revolt as she opened it was soooo funny but she managed to maintain her composure to politely say thank you. That poor barbie . . . . I found her 3 days later, armless, leg-less, naked and with all of her hair cut off. It was like a bad CSI episode :).
When she got older my mother started buying Kayleigh and Natassja the porcelain dolls from Home-Art - the ones with delicate faces and flouncy dresses. Every year it was a new one and Kayleigh hated them. Every year when we got them Kayleigh said 'I know what it is, I don't want to open it.' Each year they would only last a few days. One year Kayleigh and Natassja pretended the dolls were at a rock concert, hand banging away to the music, until the dolls eventually head banged each other. Another year I have no idea what happened to it. One day is was there and the next it wasn't and Kayleigh refused to tell me where it went (I suspect she might have given it away). Either way, I never ever bought Kayleigh any dolls or Barbie because she really didn't like them.
For her 4th birthday, someone bought her a Barbie doll. Kayleigh's look of revolt as she opened it was soooo funny but she managed to maintain her composure to politely say thank you. That poor barbie . . . . I found her 3 days later, armless, leg-less, naked and with all of her hair cut off. It was like a bad CSI episode :).
When she got older my mother started buying Kayleigh and Natassja the porcelain dolls from Home-Art - the ones with delicate faces and flouncy dresses. Every year it was a new one and Kayleigh hated them. Every year when we got them Kayleigh said 'I know what it is, I don't want to open it.' Each year they would only last a few days. One year Kayleigh and Natassja pretended the dolls were at a rock concert, hand banging away to the music, until the dolls eventually head banged each other. Another year I have no idea what happened to it. One day is was there and the next it wasn't and Kayleigh refused to tell me where it went (I suspect she might have given it away). Either way, I never ever bought Kayleigh any dolls or Barbie because she really didn't like them.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Remembering Kayleigh
Over the last year several people, including ourselves, have done many thing to remember Kayleigh and the way she was. I started this blog and her Facebook page. Many of her friends also started Facebook pages. Many of her friends still write messages to her on her page which is lovely.
For her birthday last year we didn't not do anything as the pain and loss was still too much for us, but we are thinking of getting some chinese sky lanterns to release on her birthday (although we may not be able to get them) . . .'Tangled' style. On the anniversary of her passing we released balloons on the oval at her school and about 50 people turned up, which was nice for us as people were still thinking of her.
Everyday I look at her picture which I keep next to my computer at work, and think about what she might be like now, a year older, coming up to her 15th birthday, what she might have done at school as electives - I think it would have been woodwork and maybe media, who knows . . . .She would have also now been eagerly awaiting September when she was to be 14 and 9 months, the age you have to be a get a job. That was a day she had been looking forward to since she was about 10. Kayleigh had such big plans for her life.
Sometimes I feel her watching me from her bedroom doorway - maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me - but it really feels like she is standing there like she always did, a smile on her face, looking at what I was doing. Sometimes it feels like it was all a dream, maybe she never existed at all, and sometimes it feels like she is about to walk in the door from school and give me a big hug like she always did when I got home.
I will remember Kayleigh for the rest of my life, and it does make it feel better when I know other people are remembering her too.
For her birthday last year we didn't not do anything as the pain and loss was still too much for us, but we are thinking of getting some chinese sky lanterns to release on her birthday (although we may not be able to get them) . . .'Tangled' style. On the anniversary of her passing we released balloons on the oval at her school and about 50 people turned up, which was nice for us as people were still thinking of her.
Everyday I look at her picture which I keep next to my computer at work, and think about what she might be like now, a year older, coming up to her 15th birthday, what she might have done at school as electives - I think it would have been woodwork and maybe media, who knows . . . .She would have also now been eagerly awaiting September when she was to be 14 and 9 months, the age you have to be a get a job. That was a day she had been looking forward to since she was about 10. Kayleigh had such big plans for her life.
Sometimes I feel her watching me from her bedroom doorway - maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me - but it really feels like she is standing there like she always did, a smile on her face, looking at what I was doing. Sometimes it feels like it was all a dream, maybe she never existed at all, and sometimes it feels like she is about to walk in the door from school and give me a big hug like she always did when I got home.
I will remember Kayleigh for the rest of my life, and it does make it feel better when I know other people are remembering her too.
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