One of Terence's last memories of Kayleigh is of the Tuesday two days before she collapsed. Kayleigh had been up the night before with her asthma and was getting a flu, so she was too sick and tired to go to school. The weekend previous Terence and I put up the frame of the carport (the wettest and coldest day in May) - that might have contributed to Kayleigh being sick as she kept coming out to check on us...
On that Tuesday, Kayleigh helped her dad put on the roof of the carport. As I said previously, I have a clear memory of her sitting on the top of the ladder holding onto the aerial mast handing her dad screws when I pulled up in the driveway - Kayleigh called out 'Mummy!!' raced down the ladder and opened the gate to give me a hug. Anyway, before that, Terence was putting on the roof sheets when he managed to slice his finger with one of the pieces of metal - a nice clean cut. Kayleigh immediately got the first aid kit and ran back outside. She cleaned up her dad's bleeding finger, applied a steri-strip to hold it together and then put on the band-aid. Then she turned to her dad, gave his finger a kiss and said 'There you go Dad, all better, you can stop crying now'. I guess both Terence and I miss that spontaneous loving that Kayleigh gave, she wasn't embarassed by it, or afraid to show it.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Spirits
Since Kayleigh passed I have always wondered if when someone dies, sometime their spirit might be around, or have attached itself to another person . . . or something. I know Kayleigh believed in ghosts due to some of the weird goings on that have occurred, but something happened just after Kayleigh died that made me question what happens. I am personally not religious and do not believe in heaven or hell.
Two days after Kayleigh died, Kiara was asleep in our bed - she had just been diagnosed with asthma and Terence and I needed to keep an eye on her at all times. Now Kiara was 4 at this stage and her speech was ot very good. Lots of times we where her translator as she was quite difficult to understand. Now this night, it was about 2 am, and Kiara wet the bed (I know - yucky). I immediately jumped out and said - 'Kiara, you wet the bed!'. Kiara was still quite asleep but she said - very clearly and quite articulately 'Ewww! That is like, so gross!!!' My mouth hit the floor. Not only did she not sound like Kiara, but that sentence had never come out of her mouth (and has never since). Kayleigh used to say something similar if Kiara wet the bed as they used to share a double bed. I know I didn't dream it because I was wide awake at that time anyway, watching her breathe. It was just weird. I sometimes think that maybe part of Kayleigh's spirit attached itself to her little sister - after all Kiara was next to her on the bed when she had stopped breathing at home, and Kayleigh and Kiara were very close. Even now, some of Kiara's behaviour is a mirror of what Kayleigh was like - not often - but enough to make you stop.
Two days after Kayleigh died, Kiara was asleep in our bed - she had just been diagnosed with asthma and Terence and I needed to keep an eye on her at all times. Now Kiara was 4 at this stage and her speech was ot very good. Lots of times we where her translator as she was quite difficult to understand. Now this night, it was about 2 am, and Kiara wet the bed (I know - yucky). I immediately jumped out and said - 'Kiara, you wet the bed!'. Kiara was still quite asleep but she said - very clearly and quite articulately 'Ewww! That is like, so gross!!!' My mouth hit the floor. Not only did she not sound like Kiara, but that sentence had never come out of her mouth (and has never since). Kayleigh used to say something similar if Kiara wet the bed as they used to share a double bed. I know I didn't dream it because I was wide awake at that time anyway, watching her breathe. It was just weird. I sometimes think that maybe part of Kayleigh's spirit attached itself to her little sister - after all Kiara was next to her on the bed when she had stopped breathing at home, and Kayleigh and Kiara were very close. Even now, some of Kiara's behaviour is a mirror of what Kayleigh was like - not often - but enough to make you stop.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Stationery
I recently moved jobs again, packing up my boxes and putting them in the car, and the thing that reminded me of Kayleigh.
I got my first full time job just after uni when Kayleigh was 4 or 5 years old (pre-school aged) and I stayed in the area for 6 and 1/2 years before moving to a different department. It was the first time that Kayleigh saw me come home with a box of accumulated stationery from my job. Needless to say, along with her connector pens, Kayleigh loved stationery. I barely walked through the door when she was into my box, pulling things out and asking if she could have it - she really liked taking my highlighters, post-it notes, writing pads and my coloured pens - I think at that stage I has alot of pink, purple and green pens. Every time I moved onwards from then, Kayleigh was always pinching my stationery. If I brought work home then it was almost ensured that any pens I brought with me to write with would mysteriously end up in Kayleigh's pencil case. I took to leaving my box of stuff in the car, to no avail - Kayleigh knew when I was moving jobs and there she would be, rifling through my box in the back of the car, looking for anything that she thought she wanted. I didn't mind, and sometimes if i had a nice pen or pencil, or a different colour highlighter that I no longer required (or was a really cool colour), I would bring it home for Kayleigh.
I got my first full time job just after uni when Kayleigh was 4 or 5 years old (pre-school aged) and I stayed in the area for 6 and 1/2 years before moving to a different department. It was the first time that Kayleigh saw me come home with a box of accumulated stationery from my job. Needless to say, along with her connector pens, Kayleigh loved stationery. I barely walked through the door when she was into my box, pulling things out and asking if she could have it - she really liked taking my highlighters, post-it notes, writing pads and my coloured pens - I think at that stage I has alot of pink, purple and green pens. Every time I moved onwards from then, Kayleigh was always pinching my stationery. If I brought work home then it was almost ensured that any pens I brought with me to write with would mysteriously end up in Kayleigh's pencil case. I took to leaving my box of stuff in the car, to no avail - Kayleigh knew when I was moving jobs and there she would be, rifling through my box in the back of the car, looking for anything that she thought she wanted. I didn't mind, and sometimes if i had a nice pen or pencil, or a different colour highlighter that I no longer required (or was a really cool colour), I would bring it home for Kayleigh.
Monday, October 10, 2011
S....E....X
Get your attention?!
I was remembering today how innocent children are when it comes to knowing about sex. I have mo doubt that by 13, Kayleigh knew what sex was and how it was down (as taught by many sex ed classes at school).
I do remember some of her innocent comments of what sex was when she was growing up.
My favourites were probably:
* Sex is when mum and dad kiss alot (she was about 4 or 5)
* Sex is when mum and dad are naked and kiss alot (probably about 8 or 9)
* Sex is when a girl and guy get together and they are naked and their ''you knows'' , well you know and they they well, you know (at 12 - and I laughed my head off cause she refused to say anything . . .you know)
I was remembering today how innocent children are when it comes to knowing about sex. I have mo doubt that by 13, Kayleigh knew what sex was and how it was down (as taught by many sex ed classes at school).
I do remember some of her innocent comments of what sex was when she was growing up.
My favourites were probably:
* Sex is when mum and dad kiss alot (she was about 4 or 5)
* Sex is when mum and dad are naked and kiss alot (probably about 8 or 9)
* Sex is when a girl and guy get together and they are naked and their ''you knows'' , well you know and they they well, you know (at 12 - and I laughed my head off cause she refused to say anything . . .you know)
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Remembering Kayleigh: Jess Chapman
Jess was Kayleigh's closest friend at High School. She posted this on Kayleigh's FB page and I wanted to share it with everyone. Thank you Jess xxxx
This was the sky on Kayleigh's Birthday this year. It looked absolutely magnificent, which you may not be able to see in the photo. It was truly beautiful. At one point i though i saw Kayleigh up there. The dark clouds moved apart rather faster than was normal and revealed a peak of a cloud that had captured the sun, i saw a flicker of a gold wisp right on top of it, as if Kayleigh was sitting there, her hair floating across the dark around her. You can see the peak in the photo. I felt really touched and sat and watched the whole sunset. I knew she was there sharing the moment with me
This was the sky on Kayleigh's Birthday this year. It looked absolutely magnificent, which you may not be able to see in the photo. It was truly beautiful. At one point i though i saw Kayleigh up there. The dark clouds moved apart rather faster than was normal and revealed a peak of a cloud that had captured the sun, i saw a flicker of a gold wisp right on top of it, as if Kayleigh was sitting there, her hair floating across the dark around her. You can see the peak in the photo. I felt really touched and sat and watched the whole sunset. I knew she was there sharing the moment with me
Friday, October 7, 2011
Dreaming of Kayleigh
Since Kayleigh passed away I have only ever dreamt of her three times - maybe it's my mind only allowing me to dream of things that won't upset me or something - I'm not sure how the dreaming state works. But only three time, twice in the first weeks after Kayleigh died, and then only last night - 15 months apart.
The first dream occurred the day after Kayleigh passed. We were at a family gathering and Kayleigh appeared. She didn't say anything, just looked at me, turned and walked away.
The second dream was the day after. We were at the same family gathering and Kayleigh walked up to me and said 'I'm allowed to talk to you this time.' I pulled her into a hug, smelt her hair. Kayleigh pulled away and said 'It's OK Mum, I'm OK, I'm Happy - I'm just here to tell you that I love you and that I'm OK and not to worry, not to be sad.' Kayleigh then said she wanted to play with her siblings and she gave me another hug and ran oer to where Natassja, Kiara, Terry and Lucas were playing. She played on a slide with Lucas and got on the trampoline with them all. I watched them bouncing up and down, laughing and hugging. I turned away to say something to someone, but when I turned back she was gone.
Last night I dreamt of Kayleigh again. I very different dream. She was older and gone fishing with some guy she was seeing. She fell overboard and drowned. I found her and attempted CPR but again it was in vain. But then Kayleigh was standing at my shoulder telling me it wasn't my fault, nothing could have stopped it happening and not to blame myself. Everything was OK.
I like to think that somehow Kayleigh was reaching out to me, that these dreams came from her.......telling me with her wisdom to remember how she was and how much she loved us.
The first dream occurred the day after Kayleigh passed. We were at a family gathering and Kayleigh appeared. She didn't say anything, just looked at me, turned and walked away.
The second dream was the day after. We were at the same family gathering and Kayleigh walked up to me and said 'I'm allowed to talk to you this time.' I pulled her into a hug, smelt her hair. Kayleigh pulled away and said 'It's OK Mum, I'm OK, I'm Happy - I'm just here to tell you that I love you and that I'm OK and not to worry, not to be sad.' Kayleigh then said she wanted to play with her siblings and she gave me another hug and ran oer to where Natassja, Kiara, Terry and Lucas were playing. She played on a slide with Lucas and got on the trampoline with them all. I watched them bouncing up and down, laughing and hugging. I turned away to say something to someone, but when I turned back she was gone.
Last night I dreamt of Kayleigh again. I very different dream. She was older and gone fishing with some guy she was seeing. She fell overboard and drowned. I found her and attempted CPR but again it was in vain. But then Kayleigh was standing at my shoulder telling me it wasn't my fault, nothing could have stopped it happening and not to blame myself. Everything was OK.
I like to think that somehow Kayleigh was reaching out to me, that these dreams came from her.......telling me with her wisdom to remember how she was and how much she loved us.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Make up
Anyone that knew Kayleigh also knew that she didn't like to wear make up - maybe she got it from me as I don't wear make up either, but also I think because her dad always told her that she was beautiful enough without it.
However - when she was about 7 or 8, I dabbled in selling AVON and I had a huge sample set of make up including lipstick, nail polish, eye shodow - the works really. Now Kayleigh quite enjoyed it when I would put a little lippy on her, and frankly the more outrageous the make up, the funnier she found it. One day, Kayleigh and Natassja decided that they themselves would try out the make up, and as we all would know, it doesn't work out too well when kids play grown up make ups by themselves.
Kayleigh ended up with bright red lippy all over her face with green eye shadow which was not on her eyes at all. and the worst thing was my very good dark red nail polish - Kayleigh had decided the best thing for that was to be painted in the bath tub - all over it. It took Terence weeks to chip it all out - we couldn't use nail polish remover as it would also take all the enamel off the bath surface. After then I never had any make up in the house.
However - when she was about 7 or 8, I dabbled in selling AVON and I had a huge sample set of make up including lipstick, nail polish, eye shodow - the works really. Now Kayleigh quite enjoyed it when I would put a little lippy on her, and frankly the more outrageous the make up, the funnier she found it. One day, Kayleigh and Natassja decided that they themselves would try out the make up, and as we all would know, it doesn't work out too well when kids play grown up make ups by themselves.
Kayleigh ended up with bright red lippy all over her face with green eye shadow which was not on her eyes at all. and the worst thing was my very good dark red nail polish - Kayleigh had decided the best thing for that was to be painted in the bath tub - all over it. It took Terence weeks to chip it all out - we couldn't use nail polish remover as it would also take all the enamel off the bath surface. After then I never had any make up in the house.
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