WARNING: This entry may make you cry.
Since Kayleigh passed away many people have remarked how hard it would have been to turn off the machines keeping her alive. The truth is, it wasn't hard as the decision had already been made for us. Kayleigh was found to have severe brain damage as determined by a CAT scan, she would never wake up, she would never breathe by herself as the part of the brain that controls the basic reflexes was too damaged. Parts of her brain were already starting to die. Even now I wonder if we turned it off too early, but I have to remind myself the the doctors did all the required test to determine what brain activity there was. The doctors perform 7 tests to determine brain response - mainly based on eye movements and pain responses. Kayleigh eyes had been fixed and dilated since she was admitted to hospital,and after bringing her out of the medically induced cooling down (to try and limit brain damage) they were still fixed. She didn't blink if you touched her eyes and she didn't gag when tubes were put in her throat to clear the airway. She didn't react when you pinched her arm.
The doctors performed the CAT scan at about 5pm on Friday afternoon (i think - I'm a little fuzzy about timing now) but they had already told us to prepare for the worst as the tests they had done were finding no response. The CAT scan was to confirm it. They did ask us about organ donation, which we did not go through with as Australia's system does not allow us to know who received them.
After they had performed the scan, it confirmed the worst had happened. Kayleigh beat the odds of getting to hospital after cardiac arrest (only 3-8% of out of hospital cardiac arrest make it hospital and get the heart started again) but she lost the brain damage odds.
Natassja, Terry, Lucas and Kiara drew her pictures and said goodbye. Kayleigh's Nanny, Granddad and Grandpa said their farewells. My uncle and aunt came down from Borwal to say bye and my brothers were there was well. Kayleighs cousin Alissa also came for a short time.
We were left alone with her at 8:30pm. The doctors explained what was happening and what to expect. They started disconnecting the fluids and drips, all the medication lines. We brushed her hair, plaited it and cut it off ( we have her plait in a bag at home - it still smells like her). Then at 9pm they disconnected the ventolation machine.
I laid down on the bed next the her, listening to her heart beating. Terence placed his head next to her head. We whispered that we loved her again and again until I could no longer hear her heart. She went peacefully and never knew that she was going to die. The doctor called her death at 9:05pm.
i managed to get through it without crying... Just.. Was soo sad tho.. it was the right thing to do tho
ReplyDeleteAs a mum my heart overflowed with the pain of a parent my eyes filled with tears
ReplyDeleteSuch an awesome family
No one should have to go through this. Life is just too cruel at times.
ReplyDeletei was waiting at emergency with my grandma who just broker her arm when i saw you guys walk upstairs to ICU. I wanted to say something but had a sense what you were going to do was something purely for your family.
ReplyDeleteI cannot ever know how painful that would ever be as a parent, even just knowing Kayleigh as a beautiful person both in looks and personality, still makes me hurt when i think of her, (often). Alex my daughter misses her desperately. I miss my cups of tea she used to make me, and the gorgeous smile that used to greet me when I turned up. She is with the Angels now and will always be with us. God Bless
ReplyDeleteForever in our hearts. Anonymous because i know you guys will know me . xxxxxx
i really miss kayleigh, i just don't know how to describe my feelings or accept the fact that she is gone! :( i started to cry near the end of this post and every time i read something off here i remember the times when we used to climb trees together :) when ever i get those emails about make a wish and it will come true or the email where it says what is something you really want, i always say "i wish kayleigh never left or " the thing i desperately want is my best friend, Kayleigh/K.K!!!!!
ReplyDeletei will always miss you K.K, i love you <3 love A.A
I cried... Alot,
ReplyDeleteI Really Miss Kayleigh and I wish she had never left. I dont want to accept the fact that she's gone, But I know I will eventually have to.
I Love You, I Miss You, and I Will Always Remember You Kayleigh